300 (2007)

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"300 is the equivalent of an insecure body-builder who spends years making himself look like an impressive sculpture, only to realize he doesn't have personality."

Over the weekend, America was overcome with amazement over a little film called 300. Consumers across the country paid $70 million worth of admission to see soldiers in all their ass-kicking glory tear one another to pieces while screaming at the top of their lungs. The film has everything from stunning visual effects to elaborately-staged fight sequences to a rocking soundtrack. These are all the ingredients for an adrenaline-fueled masterpiece, but the question remains: Does 300 live up to all of the weekend hype? Is it really the most amazing action movie to hit screens in years? While the majority of audience members think so, this critic says, "Not a chance in hell".

Based on the historical Battle of Thermopylae and the Frank Miller graphic novel, 300 tells the story of the daring Spartans. The Persians have ordered the people of Sparta to surrender to submission as god-king Xerxes moves in on their land. However, King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) has different plans. Raised as a thick-skinned soldier from birth, Leonidas believes it is in his masculine nature to fight to the death. When a Persian messenger comes to Sparta to announce the takeover, King Leonidas responds by screaming brutishly and kicking the messenger into a bottomless pit. So the Battle of Thermopylae begins!

Leonidas gathers 300 soldiers with the same fighting ethic, and the troop sets out to take down Xerxes. They first encounter a group of Persian soldiers that outnumber the Spartan 300. Does this bring them down? No way! The underdogs push their combat skills to the limit and hand the Persians' asses to them in take-home boxes. From this point forward, the fighting never stops. The mighty 300 take on everything and everyone including masked warriors, elephants, rhinos, and the androgynous King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) him/she/itself.

When I walked into 300, I was fully prepared to accept it in its spectacle glory. With Frank Miller's content being adapted and director Zach Snyder (Dawn of the Dead remake) onboard, I knew this was an exercise in action and explosive eye candy. Even when I walked out of the theater, a friend of mine commented on the film's celebration of boobs and violence while being about absolutely nothing. At that moment, I wished I could smile excitedly and reflect on the mindless, macho experience that was watching 300. Instead I could only focus on how unimpressed I felt.

What we are dealing with here is a film that breaks out the big guns. It is not ashamed of its masculinity. Wearing just a cape and battle briefs, Gerard Butler ventures with his mighty men down unknown paths. They are equipped with long spears that they use to penetrate their enemies while hooting, hollering, and screaming, "Sparta!!!" Subtextually speaking, one could call it a homoerotic sausage-fest. However, beneath its testosterone charge, the film packs very little. 300 is the equivalent of an insecure body-builder who spends years making himself look like an impressive sculpture, only to realize he doesn't have personality.

My main problem with 300 is that it lacks depth in all areas. I can excuse its rickety storyline as this is clearly a film all about sight and not content. It is just too bad that the direction doesn't even come through. The film basically follows topless men in various slow motion sequences as they slash their way through enemies. Yes, slow motion! This is apparently the cutting-edge action film of the year because it has brought slow motion fighting against synthetic backdrops. Of course, I am not knocking slow motion. I am just bringing up the fact that it has been around for decades. While audience members sat around me drooling in amazement, I wondered if they had just crawled out of a time capsule and were being introduced to the filmmaking technique for the first time ever.

Even the synthetic backdrops fail to bring anything new to the table. If anything, they are less stunning than prior outings that utilize chroma backdrop technology. While projects such as Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and Sin City successfully placed its characters in fantastic spaces, the choices in 300 seem forced. All of the actors are intentionally foregrounded along with a random pile of rocks, while a synthetic recreation of an ancient city blazes in the background. This superficiality makes watching 300 feel like watching a stage play rather than getting sucked into its wild and crazy world.

Ok, so I am being a little harsh on 300. Believe it or not, I do not hate this movie. However, as someone who was blown away by the genius of The Matrix years ago, I am a little disturbed that people are hailing this as the next Matrix. I am still waiting for that next phenomenal action movie to come along and leave a footprint on my ass. While I admire 300 for its effort, this is definitely not the movie that has me feeling psyched. I am going to have to disagree with the general public on this one and acknowledge 300 for the overly-masculine, mediocre project that it is. Now get out there and see Zodiac instead!

Questions? Comments? Just want to talk movies? Tell me how wrong I am for not liking 300? Drop me a line at dodd@movieweb.com